there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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