I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize