I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
