I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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