the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
