guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
