My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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