i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
