I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
