I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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