You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
