I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
