apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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