OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I puked a lego.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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