the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
