I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
