I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
