I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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