Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
