Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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