I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
