Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
