fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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