can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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