I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
