using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
