we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
