His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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