New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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