If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
