I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
