My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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