I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
