last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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