In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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