i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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