He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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