you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
