wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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