I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
