I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
