I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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