maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
