he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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