Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
