Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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