I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
