If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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