watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
