i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
