singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
