Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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