I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
