woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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