Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My hand turned me down
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
