New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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