I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
