I must be too annoying 4 u.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
