He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
