1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize