I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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